When I first started dating after my divorce, I realized dating was not as fun as I had imagined. I met my ex-husband Troy in college at 17, was engaged at 19 and married at 20. Teenagers don’t really date, they hang out. So I had never really experienced dating. Shoot, I didn’t know anyone who didn’t live in Northern Kentucky and Troy was the first person I had ever met who wasn’t raised Catholic. Yes, I was sheltered.
So here I am, 27-years-old with two kids (1 and 3) and I really had no idea what to expect when I started dating but thought it would be fun. I went out with a guy who worked at a store nearby my house, a few friends of friends and family, guys I had met while out at bars and even tried Internet dating. I quickly learned that it’s not that fun and you have to have rules… lots of rules. I would have never thought to ask guys certain questions before the initial date until these things started coming up. So in no particular order, here are some of the questions that must be asked.
- Do you have a valid driver’s license? I actually went out on three dates with a guy before realizing he did not have a license. We met initially through mutual friends at a bar so I left with my friend at the end of the night. As far as the dates, we had met out each time. It wasn’t until the third date that he told me he had a DUI and couldn’t drive.
- That brings me to number two. How many DUIs have you received? If they tell you they have a DUI, you might want to look it up. I discovered that guy actually had four DUIs.
- And that brings me to number 3. Are you facing criminal charges of any kind? While researching his DUIs, I found that he had criminal charges against him for assault. No, he had not told me this. Yeah, this guy was a winner!
- Do you do drugs? He might actually be honest.
- Are you an alcoholic? If they are going out drinking every night, they might not be the best or most loyal guy for you.
- Have you ever served jail time? Oh you would be amazed…
- If they have children: Do you pay your child support and see your kids? You probably don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care about his own children.
- Are you racist? A friend of mine went on a blind date and the girl actually used the word “colored” to refer to an African-American like it was normal. That wasn’t the worst word she said.
- Are you actually divorced? Seems obvious, right? NO! You won’t believe how many men just got separated or PLAN on getting separated.
- Do you have a job and what is it? Court-ordered community service does not count!
- Do you live with your parents? There is nothing worse than a 40-year-old man who lives with mommy. Remember Failure to Launch? It doesn’t always end up with the happy couple duck taped to chairs.
- Do you own a car? I don’t care what kind of car it is but I hate to drive and I’m not letting their mommy drop us off at the movies.
- Are you okay with the fact that I have kids? Amazing how many guys will start a relationship and then decide they can’t handle that.
Once you have prescreened your date, you have to watch out for some other things. I had a guy ask me to lunch on a weekday for our first date. I met him at a nice local restaurant. He was a pilot, had two kids and seemed to have life in order. At lunch, he told me that he thought it was important to have sex on the first or second date to make sure the compatibility was there. I couldn’t believe he was so blunt.
I had another guy ask me to meet him for the first time at the mall indoor play area with his kids. He said I could bring mine. I passed.
One guy told me after the third date that he wanted a serious commitment and saw us getting married in the near future. Actually, I have probably had something similar to that happen at least a half dozen times.
I work for a library and am pretty liberal. I met a guy on eHarmony and was very clear about both of these things. We had a very nice dinner and then walked over to the local bookstore. We passed a book about the Tea Party and I mentioned my frustration with this group (yes, I’m blunt). He immediately started telling me how he didn’t believe in the public school system (even though his children attended one), libraries or any other tax supported institution or program. Hey buddy, I work at a library!!! In fact, I am the public relations person for the library and am very passionate about my job. You knew this before you asked me out. Really, why waste my time? LOL
I had been on about six dates with a guy who I really kind of liked. He called me from work one day and asked if I could check his private email for him because he was expecting something important and couldn’t check from work. I was hesitant but he insisted. He gave me his password. I couldn’t help but look at the email with the subject line “Hot Asian Women.” I thought for sure it was spam but discovered he belonged to several sites like this and um, they were pretty graphic.
One guy went back and forth from wanting to date to just wanting to be friends. Once I finally said I couldn’t be part of that, he confessed his love for me and told me what a “B” I was all in the same sentence.
I had a guy tell me on a first date that he wanted to find a woman to take care of his kids and didn’t care about anything else.
I had been dating this guy for a while when he took me to the Olive Garden. We had been waiting for a table for quite some time when they finally called for us. They were getting ready to seat us when he yells “no” and runs out of the restaurant. I noticed a girl nearby was laughing. I was so embarrassed. I walked out and asked him what was wrong. He said he dated that girl before and things didn’t end well. We went to another restaurant but it was just weird.
We all love a good laugh so what is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you on a date? What tips do you have for single women and men out there looking? I think I am ready to start dating again (not that guys are banging my door down or anything) but I need your tips and stories to make sure I avoid the crazies!