Peer Pressure Does Not = a Needle in the Veins

A mom recently told me that heroin has her scared for her child’s future and that she just has to instill over and over to say no to drugs. Yes, we need to tell our kids that but come on people… Would you have ever stuck a needle in your veins because of peer pressure? A needle full of some black tar looking crazy drug that you hear kills people all the time? It’s not like saying “come on try this beer. It will be fun.” Or “you’ll love the way you feel after smoking a joint. You’ll be all relaxed.” It’s a NEEDLE full of deadly drugs! And chances are, it’s a dirty needle. So why do so many people do it? Why is it an epidemic in Northern Kentucky?

Probably because we only teach our kids to say no to drugs. We don’t explain why, other than the stuff they don’t really understand or care about. We don’t teach our children from a young age how to cope with the everyday stress of life. We put a stigma on seeing a counselor making it as if it’s a horrible thing that only crazy people do. Our health care makes counseling extremely expensive, causing it to be a financial burden for families so they just don’t go.

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Someone told me that life was hard when we were growing up and we didn’t turn to heroin. In fact heroin was the off-limits icky drug. But heroin was also extremely expensive then. The fact that it is so cheap is one of the reasons it’s so popular. You can get high for $5.

I will admit I have been to counseling many times in my adult life. I usually go to just a few sessions for a particular issue but it helps. It helps so much that I have never popped a pill or stuck a needle in my arm for fun. But I’m lucky. Part of my benefit package through work allows for free counseling through a program called Emergency Professional Assistance offered at a local hospital. I can only go eight times a year but I usually only need a session or two to work something out.

I introduced my children to counseling at a young age. I think they both realize that it is okay to ask for help. They know that sometime talking it out with someone who has no personal interest in the situation is just what they need. They know they can talk to me about anything but they also know that I am going to be emotionally involved so sometimes they will say “hey mom, I got something going on I want to talk to the counselor about. Can you make an appointment?” and that is totally fine.

My close friends, boyfriend and family members have also made it clear to the kids that they can go to them as well. Our deal is as long as the kids aren’t in danger in any way, they will keep the conversation private from me if that’s what the kids wish. Yes, it can be tempting to say “what did they say?” but I’m just relieved they are talking to someone.

I have also tried to give the kids tools to work through things themselves and not make everything a bigger deal than it is. They have to assess the situation, decide if it is something to worry about or not, come up with an action plan and go from there. And sometimes the action plan is to say the Serenity prayer over and over.

Now I know this does not mean my children are immune from drugs or even heroin. But at least I know I have done more than told them “just say no to drugs” because it really just doesn’t work that way. Don’t get me wrong, I realize peer pressure may play a role sometimes but I don’t think that the people would be pressured into it if they were dealing with life in a healthy way in the first place.

So what now? First step would be to talk to your loved ones about coping with life’s issues without numbing the pain with drugs. Discuss counseling, talking with friends and family, etc… Let them know you know life can be hard at times and you are there for them. Second step is to visit http://www.nkyhatesheroin.com. This website was created by the family of Nicholas Specht to be the go-to spot for education and resources regarding heroin.

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Heroin Causes More Pain Than it Numbs

nick funeralMy boyfriend’s family (and I) lost a wonderful man this past week to heroin. You can read this tragic overdose story here. Nicholas Specht was always smiling. He welcomed me into the family from the first time we met. As far as we knew, he had been clean for several months since rehab. Nicholas grew up in a good town, with a wonderful christian family who cared for and loved him. He attended one of the best schools in the state. He spent the last several weeks volunteering at church with a construction project. He attended meetings every single day. We thought he was doing great.

But the truth is, he wasn’t doing great.  He was clean but still struggling. Nicholas had something tragic happen in his life a little over two years ago. His baby was still-born. This crushed Nicholas, as it would anyone. In a weak moment he turned to heroin. Heroin quickly changed his life. He found himself doing things he would have never done before to get this potent drug that eventually took his life.

I met him when he got out of rehab. We would chat a lot. I would tell him that he needed to stay away from his old friends, people and places where he could easily get the drug. I would tell him to call me if he felt the urge and focused on just saying no. But thanks to a comment on my post 72 Hours of Heroin that was made by a medical staff member who tried to save Nicholas last weekend, I realize I was focusing on the wrong things. I also realize that repeatedly telling my children to say no to drugs is not enough.

Think about it… I can’t imagine that anyone in their right mind wakes up one day and says “I think this will be the day I try heroin. I think I’ll put some crazy drug in a needle and shoot it into my body.” Only someone not in their right mind would do this. Something drives people to make this decision. Something horrible in their lives, like losing a baby. It may be chronic depression, a relationship breaking up, losing a job, feeling like a failure or something else that they just can’t cope with.

So in addition to teaching our kids to say no to drugs, we have to teach them that it’s okay to come to us with their problems. It’s okay to seek counseling. That no problem is too big or too small. We have to teach them how to cope with their problems. That has to start at a young age. We can’t just baby our children and tell them things will be okay. We have to teach them how to make it okay. There are tons of articles and books on how to cope with life’s unexpected issues. We need to encourage our schools to focus on teaching kids how to cope when they preach say no to drugs.

I stood at Nicholas’ grave yesterday with my 14-year-old daughter wrapped in my arms. I cried and begged her to always tell me about stresses in her life. I told her that I will always be open and will never judge her. I will get her the help she needs to deal with anything and everything. I told her my love for her is stronger than any problem she might have. I made her promise me that she would never to turn to drugs to cope with her problems. I hope and pray she keeps that promise. My 11-year-old son and I will have the same conversation tonight.

Nicholas died just a few weeks after his 30th birthday. He turned to heroin in his late 20s. It can happen to anyone at any time. Heroin does not discriminate. It is cheap and easy to find. I am asking all of you to have this conversation with your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, friends and loved ones. Have this conversation no matter if they are 10 or 40.

Please share your thoughts and comments here as our family truly appreciates reading them. And please share this with your family and friends. Heroin is an epidemic an education is the only way to crush it.

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