Tag Archives: facebook

“The List”

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My son’s elementary school has a tradition that I really won’t miss next year as he enters middle school. Each year they set aside one day in the summer where they post class lists. “The list” says who their teacher is and who is in their class. Children and parents rush to the school, run down the steps to the gym and crowd around the back wall elbowing their way through so they can see “the list.”

Parents, including me, take pictures of “the list” so they can remember who is in their child’s class and talk to all of the other parents about it later. Many of the kids don’t even ask who their teacher is; they just want to know who is and isn’t in class with them. The kids even check to see where other kids ended up.

“The list” was posted on Monday at 6 p.m. There were easily 150 people in the gym by 6:03. Later that evening, I headed to the dog park. A fifth grade girl was at the park. I mentioned that I noticed she was going to be in class with Joey this year. She nodded in agreement and then said “but I was so sad that C (we aren’t going to use her full name) and Joey aren’t going to be together.” It took me a minute to figure out what she was saying. And then it hit me… last year’s drama. Joey and C apparently were boyfriend and girlfriend but they eventually broke up. C continued to have a crush on him. Joey definitely liked her as a friend but wasn’t sure about that girlfriend stuff. He hadn’t seen C since the last day of school. And here a classmate, not even C, sees me after seeing “the list” and her concern is that C and Joey aren’t in class together. Huh? Am I that out of touch that I just don’t get why this was the concern?

So back to “the list”… Within an hour of it being posted, I received several texts, emails and Facebook messages telling me that our kids are or are not in class together. I’ve received messages saying “can you believe X in class with my son. This is going to be a horrible year.” And “How did J and G end up together again? Everyone knows they are drama together.” And “thank goodness B and K are together.” By the way, I am completely making these letters up, and exaggerating the comments. .. a little. I’m also guilty of messaging people.

I have to tell you when my daughter was at this school, “the list” day was very important to me. In fact, I would stress for a few days prior to it being posted. I didn’t want her to be in class with the “mean girls” (you know the ones… they are the girls who call themselves popular but really they are just mean and everyone is afraid of them).  She is also very sensitive so I would hope and pray for the teacher of my choice. I know Andi would worry as well. She has always had a good group of friends but mean girls are mean!

It’s different now though. I don’t give much thought to Joey’s “list” going up. Yes, I’d like him to have a friend or two in his class but I don’t worry about who else is in or not in the class. Although I have a preference, I don’t  worry about who his teacher is going to be. He is attending one of the best schools in the state so it seems like it would be hard to get a bad teacher. He is definitely curious about who is in his class and will miss a few who aren’t but he is much more relaxed about it than his sister ever was.

It also hit him last night, as he met the new principal, that he is a FIFTH GRADER, the top of the school, the ones who set the example, the ones who… wait for it… GET TO PUT THE FLAG UP OUTSIDE EACH MORNING! This is going to be an exciting year no matter what “the list” says.

Monitoring Your Child’s Facebook Page

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Does your child have a Facebook page? Do you ever look at it?

I look at A’s page at least once a day. I look at her status, as well as what everyone else is posting on her page. I am Facebook friends with most of her friends. My best friends are friends with A so they can keep an eye out too. In fact, when I allowed her to get a page, I required that she be friends with me and my two besties. Some might call this spying but I call it being a good parent. She is very aware that we all check her page and pay attention to what her friends are saying.

Over the weekend I noticed that a middle school girl, who we don’t know because she goes to a local Catholic school instead of my daughter’s school, was cussing up a storm on one of A’s classmate’s pages.  M, the classmate, knows the cussing girl who we will refer to as K. She was using every word you can imagine. She was referring to M’s classmates. It was obvious that she was jealous that M had other friends. M asked her to stop but she continued to use the F word and refer to M’s friends as the B word. Another mom actually commented basically asking the girl to clean up her language. Instead, the girl started making inappropriate comments about the mom. Another friend of M’s, L, also asked the girl to stop and said K was being rude. That just made K go off even more. The last time I checked, there were 72 comments on this post, most of them made by K and including very inappropriate language. M also used a few choice words but never used them to call someone a name. It was still inappropriate though considering she is only in the seventh grade and Facebook is a public forum.

As I read this, all I could think is “where are their parents?” I would be mortified if I ever found out my daughter talked like this but to put it on Facebook, out in public for everyone to see, would probably send me to the bottom of a wine bottle! What was amazing to me is this went on for at least 24 hours and no one, other than the mom of a friend, ever stepped in. How did their mothers not see this? I would have seen it within the first few hours or heard from one of my friends. I would have immediately deleted the posts (yes, I have her password), made her delete K, the foul mouth friend, and then called K’s mom. These posts are still up as I write this. I don’t want to harshly judge another parent because I believe we all do the best we can but this really bothers me.

Do you monitor your child’s Facebook? What about their text messages? How would you have handled this situation if your child was involved? Do you think I should have stepped in even though I don’t know K at all and barely know M? I want to hear your thoughts!