I’m Not One to Judge (yes I am and so are you)

Okay, we can all say “I’m not one to judge” or something along those lines but the fact is we all do. Whether it’s the way another person parents, how someone behaves in public, the clothes a teenage girl is wearing, how someone treats their animal, the relationships are friends choose, the way are family members spend money, etc. And we all like to people watch! So deep down, we are judging, we are judging everyone.

The reasons we can say “I’m not one to judge” and get away with it is because we don’t voice our opinions, at least not to the ones we are judging. But what about those people who do actually tell you? How do you handle that?

I am very aware of the fact that I am high strung when it comes to certain things, I have control issues, I am probably a little overprotective and lenient with my kids all at once, I am over the moon about my puppy, I’m almost always late, I take on way more than I should, I stress over little things and don’t worry over bigger things, although I’m extremely social I don’t really like bars and I laugh at extremely inappropriate times.  I am very aware of this, not because people have pointed it out, but because I’m not blind to the obvious. The funny thing is though; some people do find it necessary at times to point these things out to me. Go ahead; you’re not going to hurt my feelings, but you may come off like an ass.

I am the Parent Assistant for my daughter’s soccer team. The other parents constantly thank me for all my hard work. I flat out admit to them “I do it because of my own control issues.” If I’m doing all the organizing and the paperwork then I know it’s done. I take my dog to the dog park every single day to let her play with the other dogs. We go so often that I have made friends there who I will plan to meet on specific days and times. I miss my puppy like crazy when I am at work. I know it is nuts. My children (10 and almost 13) aren’t allowed to watch many PG13 movies and no Rated R movies but I will let them walk seven blocks to the candy store with a friend. My friends give me a hard time because I would rather stay home and watch a movie than go to a club or a bar to drink.  I worry every day if I turned my flat iron off even though it has an automatic shut off.

I am okay with my craziness. In fact, I own my crazy! We all have a little crazy. Accepting it about ourselves makes it easier. And if are friends are true and our family loves us, they’ll accept it too. I love my family but they all have their nuttiness too. I just recognize that it is part of who they are and love them even more for it. Owning it and not caring helps you live more freely as Pick the Brain suggests.

This is all great but it took me 30 plus years to be at the point of saying and meaning “I don’t care what you think or if you judge me.” So how do we teach our children to accept their own craziness?  And how do we teach them that it is okay for their friends, siblings, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. to have their own neuroses?

I hear the 12- and 13-year-old girls talk about their friends’ idiosyncrasies or even be hard on themselves about their quirks. I see them write things on Facebook.  I’m sure the boys do it too. I know my own children have asked me questions about things they do, I do or their classmates do that they find a little abnormal.

I constantly tell them “don’t worry about it,” “why do you care what they think” “you need to just let it go” but the fact is, tweens and teens aren’t mentally capable of not caring, not worrying about it and just letting it go when others judge them. So what should we be telling our children when someone tells them something they aren’t ready to hear or something that’s just plain mean? Empowering Parents has great articles on how to deal with bullying but how do you tell your child to handle the mean one liners and judging comments kids say to each other.

Share your thoughts here. And if you have a little crazy you want to own, comment with that too!

 

It could only happen to my kid…

Remember how I told you when I first started writing this blog that if it can happen… it will happen to my kids?

As you know, we have a puppy. She has become a very important part of our family. We actually have become one of those crazy families who talks to their pet all the time, cuddles with her and talks about her to their friends and co-workers. We have become the family I used to laugh at and not understand at all.

Scout has a nipping problem though. Usually it’s just puppy bites but sometimes she breaks the skin and causes blood. NEVER wear fluffy slippers or it is guaranteed that she will attack your feet and not let go. She has gotten too excited a few times and gone for the face. In fact, she has bitten me in the chin twice and made me bleed. My son hasn’t been able to enjoy her as much as he had hope because she really likes to nip at him. I honestly think this is because he is so timid with her. It takes him every bit of 5 minutes to get her leash on her. Anyway, I knew this was an issue so I had signed up us for “Puppy Kindergarten.” Every time she nipped at one of the kids I would remind that we were going to learn to train her. Classes started this past Saturday and I’m hopeful.

However, before we could get to training, the craziest thing happened. I’m driving home from work on Thursday – I have a few stops to make so I’m running late – when the kids call me for probably the fifth time in 40 minutes. I’m irritated at this point so I answer the phone “what?” I hear J’s panicked voice. “The dog jumped up and pulled A’s braces off.” I respond with “WHAT?” He says it again but I’m thinking there is no way I understand him correctly. I repeat what he said and he confirms. My response “Did she put her head in Scout’s mouth?” He screams no.  A gets on the phone crying and tells me the same thing. I ask her if she put her head in the dog’s mouth and she responds with “NO!”

I can’t even imagine how this could possibly happen and I’m so frustrated at this point by the amount of whiny and ridiculous phone calls that I have received in this short period of time that I can’t say I was the best mom I could be at this point but I think it turned out well in the end. I insisted that she call the orthodontist herself since I was driving and couldn’t look up the number. My incredibly shy 12-1/2-year-old called the orthodontist, which was closed. She then called the emergency line and explained what happened. They told her how to clip the bar with nail clippers so that it was no longer cutting her. She did this herself before I even got home. I called the next day and made her an appointment to get it fixed. The braces had only been on three days when this happened!

Once I was home I investigated the situation. The kids said A was playing on the couch with Scout who got a little too excited, and got her tiny point teeth caught on the bar at just the right time. It still sounds crazy to me. And I know it sounded crazy to all of the techs at the orthodontist office today when she got it fixed.

You might also remember me telling you when I started this blog…. That wine is my friend. Tonight, after a brisk walk with a neighbor, I will enjoy a glass of wine. If it can happen… it will. What is the craziest thing your kids have done or that has happened to your kids?

Getting Started

First day of 7th and 4th grade

My 12-year-old daughter A is probably going to be upset when she finds out about this blog so let me start by apologizing to her. Sorry hon. Now that we got that over with, I’ll get started by telling you a little about me.

My name is Gina Holt. I have two children who we will call A, my 12-year-old daughter, and J, my almost 10-year-old son. I’ve been a single mom for 8 years now, which does make raising two tweens a little more challenging I think. Thank goodness their dad is just a phone call and 30 miles away.

I wrote for several local publications for 10 years. I have covered topics like 9-11, the Erpenbeck Scandal, the deer hunting issue in Fort Thomas, politics and much more for the Community Press, The Enquirer and The Kentucky Post. I have written about the restaurant industry for Prep Magazine, Northern Kentucky festivals for Kentucky Monthly and my favorite… family and kid issues for Cincinnati Family Magazine.

I am now the public relations coordinator for the Kenton County Public Library. I love my job but I miss writing about family events, medical issues, my kids, etc… So here we go.

My plan is to write about the funny stuff my kids do as well as some of the issues we take on socially, medically, etc. You will quickly discover that my children have had a lot of health issues over the years, that my life revolves around my daughter’s soccer schedule and that my son is a genius who can’t find his shoes as he trips over them. You will also find out that I love my children more than anything but wine and good food is how I stay sane.

Feel free to comment, tell stories about your own kids, ask questions, etc… I hope you enjoy!