Tag Archives: kids

Puppy Obsession

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I am obsessed. I have become one of those people I used to make fun of and couldn’t begin to understand. I am completely in love with my puppy and miss her dearly when I’m at work, out with friends or doing stuff outside of the house with the kids. I think about her all day and can’t wait to get home to her.

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When I am home, I spend a lot of time with her. We go for walks, go to the park, play fetch, work on tricks and snuggle on the couch together. We attend puppy play dates and puppy training. I truly try to plan my schedule around her. Part of that is because I’m obsessed but also because I feel so bad that she is locked in a crate when we are gone.

I ask all potential “dates” how they feel about dogs because I figure if they don’t like them, there is no sense in even going out once.  I did discover that this is not that abnormal. According to  http://www.livescience.com/18519-women-dogs-happy-relationships.html a woman is more satisfied in her relationship when her partner feels the same about her pet as she does. If she’s close to her dog, he’d better be, too. If she’s more aloof, it’s better if he doesn’t get too snuggly with Fido. For men, on the other hand, a woman’s closeness to his pet doesn’t affect his relationship satisfaction at all, according to study researcher Kristen Capuozzo, a doctoral candidate at the University of Houston.

But my kids are even jealous of my relationship with our cute little puppy. They realize Scout will come to me before them, that she listens better to me and that I love to cuddle with her. It’s not that I love the puppy more by any means or even that I want to spend more time with her than them. But you know, the puppy is not a 10-year-old boy who lives in his own world and ignores me until he wants something or an almost 13-year-old girl who thinks I’m stupid and never know what’s going on. The puppy doesn’t talk back, she will still kiss me in public and cuddle on the couch, she doesn’t complain about what I’m watching on TV, she doesn’t kick me if I let her nap with me, doesn’t bicker with her siblings (A &J) and doesn’t expect me to make her a special meal because she decided that day she doesn’t like dog food (or grilled cheese in the case of the kids).

My puppy loves and likes me unconditionally. I can even get mad at her and she doesn’t care. It’s actually a pretty great relationship. My friends make fun of me and have told me jokingly that they are a little concerned (or maybe they aren’t joking) but I think Scout has truly been good for me.

I grew up with lots of animals (dogs, a monkey, a goat, birds, hamsters, ducks – yes, I said a monkey) but I haven’t had a pet in 12 years. My children have never had a pet so this is their first experience and they love her too but aren’t nearly as obsessed as I am.

Do you think there is something wrong with me? Be honest! LOL Do you think a pet owner can be too obsessed with their animal? Or do you think it’s healthy? Share your thoughts and your pet stories!

 

Dating With Tweens Can Be Rough

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It’s so easy to talk about my kids and the silly things they do. It’s easy to write about crazy things other parents do or the stuff my ex-husband does without asking me. It’s not nearly as easy to write about myself or what is going on in my personal life as a single mom. So I’m going to take a stab at it….

I was engaged last year to a guy with kids and was scheduled to get married in July. I met B by chance while out with mutual friends. In fact, earlier that night, I had been on a disappointing blind date. B was pretty over the top romantic from the beginning. He would feed me mushy lines, want to talk on the phone for hours, and after only two weeks told me that he knew we were going to fall in love and get married. He managed to drop the L word after only six weeks and honestly it scared me a little. He would tell me how I was his perfect girl and that he knew we were meant to be together all the time. In fact, being so open with his feelings pushed me away some in the beginning. My best friends will tell you they didn’t think the relationship would make it three months because I was the girl who typically ran. I thought either fairytales really do happen, or he’s a stalker and they are going to find me in a basement someday. Haha.

I was extremely careful when it came to my kids. They originally met him as my friend. We took all the kids out as a chance for them to meet and get to know each other. I didn’t allow B to stay the night while my kids were home until probably 8 months into the relationship. I didn’t want to send them the wrong message or allow them to get too attached.

After about a year, we started discussing merging our families, living together and getting married. All of the kids had mixed feelings about this but we both said we would make it work. Although B constantly ensured me he couldn’t wait to merge our homes, he was a little sad about selling the house he worked so hard for. We worked diligently on the house for months preparing it for sale. Once listed, no one was interested. B paid way too much for the house with 40 steps to the front and severely slanted floors. This caused so much stress in our relationship. Our wedding date was quickly approaching and we hadn’t sold the house. To top it off, B was working ALL the time and I constantly had the kids by myself. B’s oldest was becoming very resentful. He wanted his time with his dad and wasn’t too crazy about me in the first place. When I didn’t have the kids, I was attending events with B for his job. I also had a busy life between my work, soccer with A and my son’s activities.

In addition to stress caused by four kids who weren’t siblings, B never seemed satisfied with the amount of time I was able to give him. There were times when I felt it probably wasn’t going to work but then he would do something over the top romantic like write me a song or give me a love note and I’d be sucked back in.

B had borrowed money from me often (I KNOW – big red flag) but I had no idea how bad things really were. A few weeks before breaking up, I found a notice from the Sherriff’s office. Although B wasn’t ready to be honest, within a few days I discovered his house was about to be foreclosed on. I knew that I was the only one who could qualify for the loan (other red flag) but I was okay with that because he was supposed to provide the down payment.  (Note: he did save the house, which I’m glad he was able to do for the sake of his kids.)

Communicating became very difficult. I knew that it was time to end things but all I could think about is how not having him as a part of my life would impact my children and how much I would miss his children. I also kept holding on to the person he was in the beginning. After a few weeks of arguments, avoiding each other, etc… we finally broke up. It was extremely difficult. I was a mess for a while. Although I knew that he was not a good man to have in my life (I do realize I was not perfect), my life was changing. Some for the good; No more work events on evenings and weekends, no more loaning out money, no more stressing over how the kids will get along… No more dealing with someone who is so unorganized that they can barely make it to work on time or take care of simple household necessities. My kids were devastated. I felt like a horrible mother.

Two months later my kids were finally starting to feel normal again. We went to a huge festival that my family organizes. My entire family attends every year and we are treated as VIPs. Not being considerate of mine or my kids’ feelings, B, who has no association with the festival, showed up with a date. My children were angry and I was shocked since he knew we would be there.

Because we live in such a small town, we hear everything. He and the girl from the festival moved in together only a few months later and got engaged over Christmas. As one of my closest friends said: “Some people like to come home and drink a six pack each night, some like to tailgate in the fast lane and others like to get engaged a couple times a year.”  You have to love friends!

I told my kids about the engagement so they wouldn’t hear from someone else. You could tell they were surprised but they both asked if I was okay (I was) and made a few jokes about him being engaged again so soon and dropped it.

The hardest part of all of this was being there for my crushed kids, while I was also hurting. I will always bounce back but seeing my kids hurt was crushing. I haven’t dated much since the breakup. Not because I’m not over it – I am – but because I can’t imagine putting my kids through something like this again. A friend recently told me that dating with kids isn’t hard if it’s the right person but you know, it takes a while to figure out if they are or not. This friend also has two children and remarried. However, she married someone without kids. I think that makes a difference.

I know it has taken me a lot of words to get to the point here but hey all you single parents: how do you date and protect your kids? Do you bother dating? Do you think it’s easier for those with kids to date someone without kids?  I’m sure married people have some great advice too. Give it to me!

P.S. Please do not say “it sounds like you are better off” or “you dodged a bullet” or anything else like that. I am aware of that! J This is not to focus on him but more to tell my experience with relationships. I want to talk about how to have a successful dating life with kids. 🙂

P.S.S. This is really hard for me to actually post. I’m putting a lot of my inner thoughts and emotions on the table. However, I am always open to feedback and look forward to receiving constructive input.

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My Birthday Boy

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My little boy is turning 10 on Sunday. Double digits! He remembers that double digits meant a little more freedom for his sister so he is very excited.

The funny thing is, he probably already has all the freedoms his sister got when she turned 10. Honestly, it has nothing to do with their age but more how I feel they will handle things. I think we are all just more lenient with the second kid anyway. I already let him ride his bike with friends to the local candy store, walk to meet his friends and other little things that make him feel responsible. I think it’s second kid syndrome. LOL

He had his party last weekend due to the proximity of Christmas and because he’ll be with his dad on Sunday. He invited three boys to go to Dave and Busters. Thank goodness for coupons because that place is not cheap! They had a blast. I didn’t do goody bags because I knew each boy would get something with the tickets they redeemed. We probably spent 30 minutes choosing prizes but in the end, they all got something they really enjoyed. After, we went back to my house for cake and ice cream and the boys played with their new gadgets in the yard.

 

This was the most simple birthday party I think we have ever had. J has had parties at Build A Bear, NKU’s Game Room, a magician at our house, a Hollywood party at our house and much more. He’s always had at least 12 to 15 kids attend. This was so simple and cost much less than a large party. I had to do very little planning and my mom made a small Pac Man cake instead of a huge cake to feed a dozen kids. He chose this so he was happy. I also didn’t have to deal with a ton of presents right before Christmas. I hope we can continue the simple tradition.

How do you celebrate your kids’ birthdays? Do certain ages mean certain privileges?

A Day Off

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Working full-time and having kids involved in several activities often means we don’t have a lot of time for just unplanned fun.  We miss that. The kids were off school Tuesday for Election Day so I decided to take the day off work. Both A and J had overnight guests on Monday. A’s had been planned for quite a while. We actually didn’t tell her or her friend until Monday morning giving them a pleasant surprise before school. J’s guest was scheduled last minute due to the mom needing someone to watch her son the next day. J was so excited that I really didn’t mind at all. Another one of J’s friends, who lives in walking distance, joined us Tuesday morning.

In case you lost track, this means I had five kids on Tuesday – two 12-year-old girls and three almost 10-year-old boys.  Some would call me crazy but I love having a houseful of kids. It is so fun to watch their imaginations at work, see them play ball in the yard, listen to them giggle and hear their insightful conversations (there was actually a very intelligent conversation about global warming).

As a group, we discussed how we wanted to spend our day off. There are so many wonderful things to do in the Cincinnati/NKY area that this discussion took a while. We talked about the boys just riding bikes and the girls rounding up teammates to play soccer with at one of the many fabulous parks in our city. We discussed going to the Zoo, the Art Museum, the Kenton County Public Library the Conservatory and the Nature Center. We knew we wanted to spend some of the day outside since it was beautiful and didn’t want to spend a lot of money.

We finally decided to head to Newport on the Levee. We had lunch at Tom + Chee. I have to be honest, I have been there twice now and I’m not impressed. I enjoy my homemade tomato soup, and even the Private Selection tomato soup at Kroger, more than the soup there. I’ve tried two different sandwiches and although they were tasty, they weren’t anything I couldn’t easily make at home for less cost. But it was nice to sit outside. The boys were able to run around the Levee plaza while we waited for our food.  We also browsed Barnes and Noble, Peek-a-Toy and Claire’s. Once we arrived back at my home, all of the kids played in the neighborhood.

It was so nice to just “wing” it and not feel like we had to be at a specific place at a set time. And one of the most humorous parts of the day was when people asked me if all five kids were mine!!!

How do you keep your family from feeling over scheduled? Any suggestions on what we should do in the Greater Cincinnati area on our next day off?

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Cinderella Lives At My House

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As I told you last week, we recently moved into our very own home. Both of my children are very happy here. I’m a single mom so I truly count on the help of my children in order to keep up with the house. This is a discussion we even had before I started hunting for a home. I told them both they would have more chores and they willingly agreed to pitch in.

 My son has taken on the extra responsibilities that come with a house with open arms. He rakes leaves, takes out the trash, sweeps the deck and helps in any way I ask. Shoot, I usually don’t even have to ask. Unfortunately my 12-year-old daughter hasn’t kept up her end of the deal. In fact, I can’t even motivate her to completely unpack or keep her room clean. She’s supposed to load and unload the dishwasher each day but even that is a fight. Based on her reaction, you would think that I just asked her to jump in a pit with venomous snakes when really I only asked her to sweep the kitchen or dust her room. Don’t get me wrong, A will help sometimes without complaining  – if it’s something she enjoys doing like making homemade ravioli with the family or watching her baby cousin. And J does complain from time to time, especially if it’s something he doesn’t like, but is usually willing to pitch in without much of a fight.

I do not give an allowance but I do pay for both of their cell phones monthly, in addition to providing a warm place to live, clothes and food.

 How do you get your children to pitch in around the house without a fight? Do you pay an allowance or offer some other type of incentive? What do you expect of your kids and at what age? I appreciate your advice.