Tag Archives: parents

I’m Not One to Judge (yes I am and so are you)

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Okay, we can all say “I’m not one to judge” or something along those lines but the fact is we all do. Whether it’s the way another person parents, how someone behaves in public, the clothes a teenage girl is wearing, how someone treats their animal, the relationships are friends choose, the way are family members spend money, etc. And we all like to people watch! So deep down, we are judging, we are judging everyone.

The reasons we can say “I’m not one to judge” and get away with it is because we don’t voice our opinions, at least not to the ones we are judging. But what about those people who do actually tell you? How do you handle that?

I am very aware of the fact that I am high strung when it comes to certain things, I have control issues, I am probably a little overprotective and lenient with my kids all at once, I am over the moon about my puppy, I’m almost always late, I take on way more than I should, I stress over little things and don’t worry over bigger things, although I’m extremely social I don’t really like bars and I laugh at extremely inappropriate times.  I am very aware of this, not because people have pointed it out, but because I’m not blind to the obvious. The funny thing is though; some people do find it necessary at times to point these things out to me. Go ahead; you’re not going to hurt my feelings, but you may come off like an ass.

I am the Parent Assistant for my daughter’s soccer team. The other parents constantly thank me for all my hard work. I flat out admit to them “I do it because of my own control issues.” If I’m doing all the organizing and the paperwork then I know it’s done. I take my dog to the dog park every single day to let her play with the other dogs. We go so often that I have made friends there who I will plan to meet on specific days and times. I miss my puppy like crazy when I am at work. I know it is nuts. My children (10 and almost 13) aren’t allowed to watch many PG13 movies and no Rated R movies but I will let them walk seven blocks to the candy store with a friend. My friends give me a hard time because I would rather stay home and watch a movie than go to a club or a bar to drink.  I worry every day if I turned my flat iron off even though it has an automatic shut off.

I am okay with my craziness. In fact, I own my crazy! We all have a little crazy. Accepting it about ourselves makes it easier. And if are friends are true and our family loves us, they’ll accept it too. I love my family but they all have their nuttiness too. I just recognize that it is part of who they are and love them even more for it. Owning it and not caring helps you live more freely as Pick the Brain suggests.

This is all great but it took me 30 plus years to be at the point of saying and meaning “I don’t care what you think or if you judge me.” So how do we teach our children to accept their own craziness?  And how do we teach them that it is okay for their friends, siblings, aunts, uncles, parents, etc. to have their own neuroses?

I hear the 12- and 13-year-old girls talk about their friends’ idiosyncrasies or even be hard on themselves about their quirks. I see them write things on Facebook.  I’m sure the boys do it too. I know my own children have asked me questions about things they do, I do or their classmates do that they find a little abnormal.

I constantly tell them “don’t worry about it,” “why do you care what they think” “you need to just let it go” but the fact is, tweens and teens aren’t mentally capable of not caring, not worrying about it and just letting it go when others judge them. So what should we be telling our children when someone tells them something they aren’t ready to hear or something that’s just plain mean? Empowering Parents has great articles on how to deal with bullying but how do you tell your child to handle the mean one liners and judging comments kids say to each other.

Share your thoughts here. And if you have a little crazy you want to own, comment with that too!

 

Cinderella Lives At My House

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As I told you last week, we recently moved into our very own home. Both of my children are very happy here. I’m a single mom so I truly count on the help of my children in order to keep up with the house. This is a discussion we even had before I started hunting for a home. I told them both they would have more chores and they willingly agreed to pitch in.

 My son has taken on the extra responsibilities that come with a house with open arms. He rakes leaves, takes out the trash, sweeps the deck and helps in any way I ask. Shoot, I usually don’t even have to ask. Unfortunately my 12-year-old daughter hasn’t kept up her end of the deal. In fact, I can’t even motivate her to completely unpack or keep her room clean. She’s supposed to load and unload the dishwasher each day but even that is a fight. Based on her reaction, you would think that I just asked her to jump in a pit with venomous snakes when really I only asked her to sweep the kitchen or dust her room. Don’t get me wrong, A will help sometimes without complaining  – if it’s something she enjoys doing like making homemade ravioli with the family or watching her baby cousin. And J does complain from time to time, especially if it’s something he doesn’t like, but is usually willing to pitch in without much of a fight.

I do not give an allowance but I do pay for both of their cell phones monthly, in addition to providing a warm place to live, clothes and food.

 How do you get your children to pitch in around the house without a fight? Do you pay an allowance or offer some other type of incentive? What do you expect of your kids and at what age? I appreciate your advice.

Giving Them Freedom is Giving Me Chest Pains

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A, my 12-year-old daughter, has been going to the football games with her friends for a couple years now. In fifth grade I knew all the girls stayed together and I lived across the street so I could be there quickly if needed. Sixth grade came and went without too much worry.

Now seventh grade… A’s friend, P, arrived to our house an hour before the game Friday night. They spent the entire time primping. As they come down the stairs I notice that their hair is no longer in ponytails. Instead it’s straightened and styled. A was wearing mascara while P fashioned full eye makeup, a little too much if you ask me. They both wore their tall brown stylish boots and had selected their outfits very carefully.

I was driving A and P to the game when P got a phone call. It was obviously a boy. She was giddy and even blushing.  They were deciding where to meet at the game. I suddenly realized my daughter wasn’t going to the game with just P. There would be boys there. Boys who want to hang out with them. Boys who might like them. Boys who obviously like P. I’ve known P since she was 7 and her mom and I are good friends. I wanted to turn the car around. I didn’t.  Instead, I blurted out… No kissing boys at the game! I immediately heard “mommmmmmmm!” in a high pitch squeaky voice from my daughter and “I didn’t plan on it” in a very calm voice from P. I don’t think I believed P at that point.

I pull up to the school (which I no longer live across the street from) and remind them to stay together, not to talk to strangers, keep their cell phones on and to meet me promptly at 9:15. I see their eyes roll because they have heard this spiel from me at least 100 times.

I realize they were at a school function but do you remember middle school? Do you remember how high school kids treated middle school kids? Do you remember how mean girls can be and how ‘smooth’ boys can be? I let them out of the car and just hope I have given them the right tools to make the right decisions.

I wish they just wanted to stay home with mom and watch a movie or play a board game. Ah, those were the days!