My Crazy Life With Two Kids

Literally pulling my hair out.

I realized this morning that I am completely overbooked and as the writer of People I want to Punch in the Throat would say, I am an Over Achiever Mom (OAM). However, this OAM is just not cutting it. I have good intentions, I really do but I’m learning that I just can’t balance it all.

This single mom is the Girl Scout Leader, helps with Boy Scouts when I can, is the parent administrator for the soccer team, sits on several committees for work, volunteers at school and local nonprofits, has an adorable but very demanding puppy, constantly has the kids friends over, works full-time, and wants to be the best mom ever. I also am responsible to take them to all orthodontist and doctor appointments, school concerts, practices, etc. And I VERY RARELY miss a game and never miss a school program.

Girl Scout Trip at Natural Bridge

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Last week, the day before Dr. Seuss’ birthday, I thought it would be a good idea to make “hat” treats for the kids’ classes. At 8 a.m. that morning, before my day really started, it did sound like an awesome idea. But by 5 p.m., when I was leaving work and still had to go to the store to get $30 worth of items, it didn’t sound so fun anymore. I came home to discover my almost 13-year-old and her friend had decided to make 2 dozen no-bake cookies. Wow! I wish they were no-mess cookies. There is a child in my son’s class with a nut-free allergy so the kitchen had to be scrubbed top to bottom before we could start making the hats (totally worth it though so that she could enjoy the treat). Luckily A decided to jump in and make most of the hats out of Oreos, icing and red Gummy Savers. Seventy hats later, I was ready to pack them up for school.

That morning, Dr. Seuss’ birthday, I’m already in my car leaving for work when my daughter calls and says she forgot her treats at home. “Are you kidding me?” All that work and her hats are sitting in the kitchen. Of course I turn around because I can’t imagine wasting them. I run them up to school and finally head off to work.

Waiting out the tornado.

Then the weekend came. Friday night: J tells me he can’t find his black pants that are required for his Odyssey competition the next day. Rehearsal is in 30 minutes. So right before the tornadoes are supposed to hit (yes, I live in NKY), we run to Target. The cashier is dumb enough to say in front of my 10-year-old, “you better hurry, the tornado is coming and is going to destroy us.” Really buddy? Was that necessary? I rush J to school for practice, knowing that the basement at school is probably the safest place he could be if we had a tornado. I then rush home to be with my daughter and puppy during the storm. We bunker down in our half bath in the basement. The tornado doesn’t hit us but did hit nearby towns. The next hour is spent checking on friends. After cutting veggies and making dip, A and I leave to pick up J from school and then head to a family fish fry at my cousin’s home. We finally get home at 10 p.m. when a friend calls me for an emergency ride 40 minutes away… I finally get to bed at midnight.

Between tournament games

Scout playing with Buddy at the dog park.

Saturday: Get my daughter out the door at 7:20 a.m. for her soccer game and leave shortly after with J for the Odyssey Competition (he took second place!). We were there until 2 p.m. After we headed to Graeters Ice cream to celebrate as a team and got home about 3:30. I then headed to the park with our puppy to let her run off some energy. I decided we were staying in the rest of the night and that we would not have friends over or go anywhere. I needed a break.

Sunday: A wakes up not feeling well and has a low-grade fever. The puppy is puking. Awesome day ahead! I cleaned up the house and finally watched Judy Moody (very good). I ran to Target to buy items for a friend impacted by the tornado and the local Animal Shelter that was housing the animals until they could be reunited with their families. We then headed to my mom’s to celebrate her birthday.

Monday comes and back to work. I have a lot of paperwork to do for the soccer team that I still haven’t finished, a to do list at work that is a mile long, puppy training Monday night, a school concert Tuesday night, soccer practice tonight, a very messy house and I could go on and on. So today, I am finally in my car and start to head to work when my Droid beeps. I tend to ignore this when I’m driving but luckily looked before getting on the highway. I see that I am supposed to be at my son’s school in 5 minutes to participate in gym class with him. I know he’s expecting me. CRUD! I turn around and head to school making it with about 30 seconds to spare. I call work on my way in and tell them of my delay. I get into gym class to bowl as the email invite said. Apparently we are doing exercise bowling. If you miss three pins the entire team has to do three star jumps. If you miss one pin, everyone has to do a crazy dance. If you miss five, you have to do five pushups. Wow, I wasn’t expecting a workout but I guess it was a good way to start the day. Then we started “CRAZY” bowling. We had a disco light and had to roll the dice to see which way you rolled the ball. I found myself having to do the old between the legs and J had to lie on his belly to throw the ball.

Parent/Child Bowling in Gym Class

It was a lot of fun but I almost missed it! He would have been so devastated. I almost missed it because I’m way overbooked and can’t keep things straight. I can’t imagine giving up any of it though… well maybe work but that’s not really an option. I feel like my house suffers more than anything. Notice that none of this included “me” or “dating” time, which I have completely given up on. So how do all you other parents do it? How do you stay on top of everything? How do you balance it all and not lose your mind?

Dating Tips for Single Moms (and other singles)

When I first started dating after my divorce, I realized dating was not as fun as I had imagined. I met my ex-husband Troy in college at 17, was engaged at 19 and married at 20. Teenagers don’t really date, they hang out. So I had never really experienced dating. Shoot, I didn’t know anyone who didn’t live in Northern Kentucky and Troy was the first person I had ever met who wasn’t raised Catholic. Yes, I was sheltered.

So here I am, 27-years-old with two kids (1 and 3) and I really had no idea what to expect when I started dating but thought it would be fun. I went out with a guy who worked at a store nearby my house, a few friends of friends and family, guys I had met while out at bars and even tried Internet dating. I quickly learned that it’s not that fun and you have to have rules… lots of rules. I would have never thought to ask guys certain questions before the initial date until these things started coming up. So in no particular order, here are some of the questions that must be asked.

  1. Do you have a valid driver’s license? I actually went out on three dates with a guy before realizing he did not have a license. We met initially through mutual friends at a bar so I left with my friend at the end of the night. As far as the dates, we had met out each time. It wasn’t until the third date that he told me he had a DUI and couldn’t drive.
  2. That brings me to number two. How many DUIs have you received? If they tell you they have a DUI, you might want to look it up. I discovered that guy actually had four DUIs.
  3. And that brings me to number 3. Are you facing criminal charges of any kind? While researching his DUIs, I found that he had criminal charges against him for assault. No, he had not told me this. Yeah, this guy was a winner!
  4. Do you do drugs? He might actually be honest.
  5. Are you an alcoholic? If they are going out drinking every night, they might not be the best or most loyal guy for you.
  6. Have you ever served jail time? Oh you would be amazed…
  7. If they have children: Do you pay your child support and see your kids? You probably don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t care about his own children.
  8. Are you racist? A friend of mine went on a blind date and the girl actually used the word “colored” to refer to an African-American like it was normal. That wasn’t the worst word she said.
  9. Are you actually divorced? Seems obvious, right? NO! You won’t believe how many men just got separated or PLAN on getting separated.
  10. Do you have a job and what is it? Court-ordered community service does not count!
  11. Do you live with your parents? There is nothing worse than a 40-year-old man who lives with mommy. Remember Failure to Launch? It doesn’t always end up with the happy couple duck taped to chairs.
  12. Do you own a car? I don’t care what kind of car it is but I hate to drive and I’m not letting their mommy drop us off at the movies.
  13. Are you okay with the fact that I have kids? Amazing how many guys will start a relationship and then decide they can’t handle that.

Once you have prescreened your date, you have to watch out for some other things. I had a guy ask me to lunch on a weekday for our first date. I met him at a nice local restaurant. He was a pilot, had two kids and seemed to have life in order. At lunch, he told me that he thought it was important to have sex on the first or second date to make sure the compatibility was there. I couldn’t believe he was so blunt.

 I had another guy ask me to meet him for the first time at the mall indoor play area with his kids. He said I could bring mine. I passed.

I was on my cell phone with one man who I had been on one date with. I mentioned I was in Meijer. He showed up there not even 10 minutes later just to say hi in person. CREEPY!

One guy told me after the third date that he wanted a serious commitment and saw us getting married in the near future. Actually, I have probably had something similar to that happen at least a half dozen times.

I work for a library and am pretty liberal. I met a guy on eHarmony and was very clear about both of these things. We had a very nice dinner and then walked over to the local bookstore. We passed a book about the Tea Party and I mentioned my frustration with this group (yes, I’m blunt). He immediately started telling me how he didn’t believe in the public school system (even though his children attended one), libraries or any other tax supported institution or program. Hey buddy, I work at a library!!! In fact, I am the public relations person for the library and am very passionate about my job. You knew this before you asked me out. Really, why waste my time? LOL

 I had been on about six dates with a guy who I really kind of liked. He called me from work one day and asked if I could check his private email for him because he was expecting something important and couldn’t check from work. I was hesitant but he insisted. He gave me his password. I couldn’t help but look at the email with the subject line “Hot Asian Women.” I thought for sure it was spam but discovered he belonged to several sites like this and um, they were pretty graphic.

One guy went back and forth from wanting to date to just wanting to be friends. Once I finally said I couldn’t be part of that, he confessed his love for me and told me what a “B” I was all in the same sentence.

I had a guy tell me on a first date that he wanted to find a woman to take care of his kids and didn’t care about anything else.

I had been dating this guy for a while when he took me to the Olive Garden. We had been waiting for a table for quite some time when they finally called for us. They were getting ready to seat us when he yells “no” and runs out of the restaurant. I noticed a girl nearby was laughing. I was so embarrassed. I walked out and asked him what was wrong. He said he dated that girl before and things didn’t end well. We went to another restaurant but it was just weird.

We all love a good laugh so what is the craziest thing that has ever happened to you on a date? What tips do you have for single women and men out there looking? I think I am ready to start dating again (not that guys are banging my door down or anything) but I need your tips and stories to make sure I avoid the crazies!